toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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