I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
