i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
