she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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