last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
