I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
