I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
