Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
