I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
