just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
