I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
