I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
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