Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
