Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
