I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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