Will you blow on my dice?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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