Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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