So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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