Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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