Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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