And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
