I bet he comes in French.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
