Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
