I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
