I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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