Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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