Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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