ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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