Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize