Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
