Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
