Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize