Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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