Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
