Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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