Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
