Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think I am morally bankrupt
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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