apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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