Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
