bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
