I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
