that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
