Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
