Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
