Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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