You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
