Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
