wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
