it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
