Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
