Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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